Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Do Catholics Court?

Okay after a marathon nerve-wrenching church experience this evening, we got the kids in bed and sat down for a late dinner over some tube time. Seriously we watch several shows and that's it. I think the cable bill is not really justified except for the fact we have 30 Sesame Streets DVRed so on that occasional snowy/rainy day there is some relief

Anyhow, getting to the point. Tonight was the season premiere of 19 Kids and Counting (no we are not in a race or competition with them, fear not) and it looks like it is going to be a season focused on the older kids on their journeys out of the Duggar house - which is awesome because Lee was really getting bored with the past season or so but this is getting interesting.

For those unseasoned with the Duggar policies their kids 'court' aka dating with a purpose (their words not mine) and they do not date. Courting is getting to know the other person within the confines of extremely limited physical contact and chaperoning. And for all intensive purposes sounds excellent. While Lee and I did not 'court' as strictly as the Duggars do, we went into 'dating' with the discernment of marriage as the purpose.

Lee and I discussed the verbiage of 'dating with a purpose' vs 'courting' and he likes courting because it implies getting to know the other person but also their family.

So I know this is lightyears away from actually being something I need to know about BUT…

Do Catholics court? Are there Catholics that use a courtship model for dating?

I have never heard the term used in Catholic circles but I certainly know a handful of Catholic parents who would likely be on board with the idea/model.

Thoughts? Anyone? In this world where cohabitation (and everything else that goes with it) seems like the norm, I don't think it is too early to be formulating ground rules so everyone is on the same page about expectations.

(Not that we're going to dive right into to deep discussion with the girls)

We currently understand future husbands in these terms:

E - Why did you and Papa get married?
Me - Because God wanted us to
E - Why did God want you to?
Me - He showed me Papa was the right man
E - Yeah, when I get bigger He'll show me the right man

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  1. I got the concept from my protestant friends in high school.
    (Side note: you can't grow up in RM without a small piece of your soul being Southern Baptist. In a very good way, I promise, but a fact of life.)
    Dating with a purpose was my mind set, and I didn't date anyone in high school because no one was worth the time and energy. I "talked" to a few boys, but new from that they weren't on my marriage track.
    The night C asked me to be his girlfriend (which seems so 7th grade, HJ dorm parking lot, after mass), we talked about marriage as the end game, not that we were going to get married, but that if we got to a point where we felt that was not where we were heading, it would be the end.
    So yes, Catholics are out there that date with a purpose. Awkward conversations and all. Although, my parents were far less involved than the Duggars would approve. ;-)

    1. : ) Okay so I guess there are Catholics who definitely 'date with a purpose' but is this kind of thinking talked about at home - explicitly? You don't have to actually answer that in terms of your case but generally, do you think it is a COMMON topic of conversation? I guess my point is that a number of Southern Baptists or evangelicals explicitly talk about it aka the Duggars and the Bates (friends of the Duggars).

      Glad I have at least 15 more years to hash this out : )