First Time Kindergarten Mama

I had several errands to run for work this morning and as I was driving I kept thinking to myself - E going to Kindergarten - oh yeah, I got this. Just when I thought I had it all together with E going to Kindergarten... I got put back in my place a few hours later

By none other than E's godmother who sent E some school supplies and a super sweet note that I couldn't even finish reading allowed in one sitting (actually standing in the kitchen with M screaming for food and R wailing from the garage she couldn't bring her bag in and E messing with her new pencil pouch). Usually the antics help me power through the raging emotional hormones but not today...

Finally once I re-collected myself, I (barely) finished reading E the note and we started lunch as usual and then I looked at her and thought of the note and I thought about E not being here next week for lunch because she'd be in school. Fortunately she didn't ask my why there were tears running down my face as I was eating lunch.

And then I realized I really don't have it together - at all. I mean in theory I do - but in real life I don't. It is going to be tough. I know I need to hold it together for her and R during that first week. I think R is going to lose it when she leaves her 'big sis' those first couple mornings. One morning it dawned on E that she wouldn't be around for lunch and as she was telling R this in the van, E was crying - not upset just realizing it will be different. R doesn't have any sort of concept of what this difference is going to look like or feel like but once she does that change is going to be tough.

I think E's excitement will likely carry her through the drop-offs but if it doesn't - Lord help me. I cannot stand watching my kids cry over legit emotional stuff, add on the raging 3rd trimester pregnancy hormones and I'll be a hot mess!

So I'm going to take all the time I need standing in the laundry room listening to the hum-drum of lunch or whatever else is going on - and get my tears out before the first day of school. I will hold it together only because I have to - not because I want to.

Like the note says, I hope she makes lots of friends and has fun learning and turns to her guardian angel when she's scared or confused. Go rock out kindergarten E - even though I won't there to watch over you the whole time, I won't stop thinking about what you are doing and I won't stop wondering if you are missing me as much as I'm missing you.